Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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