I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He literally asked permission to hit on me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
