my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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