God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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