Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize