They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
