Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
