I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
