My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize