so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i believe in u and ur pee
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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