i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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