I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
