Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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