VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
