who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
