i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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