either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
