Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
