You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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