My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize