the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
