Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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