He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
