I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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