Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
