Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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