i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
