The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
