I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize