is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
