I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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