genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
