I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
