I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize