UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize