Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
