I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
