By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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