the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
