the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
