every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
