She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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