Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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