worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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