Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sober January is a disaster.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
