Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
