I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
