Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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