I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
