I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
