If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize