and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
