Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
