i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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