i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you didnt know i had herpes?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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