i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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