Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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