I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize