yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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