Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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