my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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