i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
