FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
