Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
