We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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