So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
