hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
