Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
