end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
