so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
