I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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