guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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