I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize