My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
