i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
