if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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