I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
