I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
