he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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