I will die if light touches me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
