I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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