I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
