Pants 0. Shit 1.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
