Your mouth is God's brothel.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
