Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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