i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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