Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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