Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
