dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
