im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
