some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you had me at cake vodka
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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